dismissed

disregard any of the rules i made up in my last entry. silly of me to think that i could discover these "rules" on how to secure a follow up when i'm such a novice at dating. even more annoying -- this "follow up" that i swore i secured, turned out to be a false alarm. when i asked mr. piano man if we were still going to hang out at the piano bar he replied, "sure. if you don't mind hanging out with my friends."

i interpreted this in two different ways. 1) this is all platonic and i just got really excited over the fact that the date we did have had the perfect elements of a romantic date, or 2) the date went so well that he already wants me to meet his friends.

the second one was too idealistic. meeting the friends already? way too soon. but part of me was relieved. i had just come back from the gym and the thought of curling up in bed seemed more appealing than going to a piano bar to socialize with strangers (his friends). i wasn't in the mood to put on the smiley face and pretend i was interested.

DISMISSED.

this all made me wonder about the art of dismissal. my first experience was with mr. 20 lbs when he dismissed me after our first date, telling me he didn't feel the sparks. my second experience was with mr. piano man when he slyly insinuated that whatever we have is a blossoming friendship and nothing more. my third experience was with a guy i never even went on a date with to begin with. i told him the earliest we could hang out was a week from the day we started talking (sorry, i'm a busy guy). he asked me 3 days later if i wanted to have coffee. i told him i was busy. he told me he was giving up and it wasn't gonna work. WOW.

am i wrong to think that two out of three of those were completely out of line? if we're not even invested in each other, i don't think a dismissal is necessary. all you need to do is...STOP CALLING. ignore me. i'll get the picture. i guess verbalizing it makes it quick and easy, like ripping off a band-aid. i suppose ignoring the person can leave room for confusion and a feeling of limbo, but come on...you owe me nothing. i owe you nothing. if you don't like me, there's no need to bruise my ego with a pseudo-break-up line. "this isn't gonna work," "sorry, i just don't feel it." i'd much rather figure it out myself when i realize you're not responding to my phone calls/texts. so kudos to mr. piano man for letting me down easy. thanks for being a gentleman about it and dropping hints like "my friends are coming." i appreciate the courtesy.

although i'm giving up on trying to uncover the "rules" of dating (because the more i think about it, the more i think there are no rules), i do believe there is a proper way to dismiss someone. if you've been dating for a while and there's some kind of foundation--then yes, a conversation is necessary to explain the lack of zsa-zsa-zu. if you went on one date or JUST started talking, the right thing to do is to either 1) ignore the person if you're not interested, or 2) bring friends into the equation. while that can lead to some misinterpretation on the other person's part, a smart person would realize, "OMG friends are in the picture? i get the hint."

thank goodness for friends. they're the ones that will save you from a horrible date with the "emergency phone call" (i.e. "hey, my friend just called and they're stuck on the 101 somewhere so I have to pick them up. so sorry!"). and they're the ones you can use as an excuse to simply imply, "i'm just not that into you."

that my friends, is the lesson i learned after assuming i scored a follow up. class is over. dismissed.