the beautiful ones

there are certain guys i refuse to get close to. it's just easier to admire some people from a distance. for me, they tend to be the beautiful ones. those guys that are just ridiculously hot that it starts to hurt a little but you can't keep your eyes off of them because you secretly like the pain -- yeah...you know what i'm talking about. perhaps keeping the distance is a way of keeping my fantasies in tact. there's no way that these guys of hotness have any kind of substance, right? they have to be douche bags. but as i continued to stalk this hot guy on facebook, i felt conflicted and i started to wonder -- am i really keeping my distance because i don't want my perception of them to be interrupted by reality, or am i keeping my distance because i'm afraid that they might potentially have an interesting personality? because that's not fair. these guys can't be painfully gorgeous and have smarts, thoughts, and feelings. absurd! they have to be dumb pieces of hot flesh that serve one purpose...eye candy.

then i felt guilty for stripping these people of their humanity for seeing them merely as bare bodies and flawless faces. they're people too. but when someone is strikingly good looking, it's hard for me to believe that they have anything intelligent to say. maybe this is my way of coping with my own self-esteem issues. if i rationalize in my head that hot guys have to be dumb, then it justifies why i'm not like them -- because duh, i'm smart. does this make me a hater? slightly -- because in a sense i want to bring them down and bring myself up, but at the same time, i'm drooling over their hotness. the most confusing part about all of this, however, is the fact that i can't figure out whether or not i want to be them or if i want to do them. i think i'm coming to the conclusion that maybe it's a mixture of both: i want to be one of these hot guys so that i'd want to do myself. like...masturbating to my own reflection in the mirror (because you know that they secretly do that). if i were one of the beautiful ones -- i don't know what i'd enjoy more -- having sex with someone who is just as hot, or watching myself have sex with someone because i think i'm hot. the vanity is disgusting but strangely intriguing at the same time. the beautiful ones -- they always confuse me