idealizing the man vol. 1: 13 going on crazy

I still think about him. It’s been a more than a year since we’ve had our first (and last) encounter and he manages to cross my mind at least once a day. I feel so silly when I think about him. I turn into a 13 year old girl, bursting at the seams with giddiness. When he crosses my mind, I get the sudden urge to want to hug someone/something very tight and bite really hard. And yes, all of this is a product of spending one day together. I didn't even initially feel anything when I met him. I was slightly judgmental and dismissive. But as the day progressed and I noticed his subtle quirks, his cute laugh and boyish charm--he became more attractive to me and i wanted to know him.

I try to stop from feeling this way by reminding myself how pathetic it is that I’ve only met him once and somehow I’ve managed to discover the most random (and probably some of the most personal) facts about him. And I relish them.

He grew up in New Jersey. He analyzes the zodiac. I know that he has two stars on each side of his hip and he laughs at them, thinking “Don’t these make me look slutty?” He wears glasses when he drives. If I remember correctly, he’s a Libra…the perfect rational balance to my impulsive Aries. He rarely drinks. He loves animals. I know his full name.

And well…I’m a complete stranger to him.

I doubt he even remembers what I look like. And here I am—gushing about how wonderful he is. I forced myself to call him when I found out he was leaving for the Peace Corps. I debated for a while before I finally mustered up the courage to dial his number.

Ring.
Ring.
Ring.

Voicemail.

Thoughts were swirling inside my head. What do I say? How do I say it? What’s my point? Should I just hang u---

BEEP!

“HI!!! I HOPE YOU REMEMBER ME…IT’S NICK! --- “

Really though? “I hope you remember me?” This was already looking bad. And for some reason I was talking really loud. (Perhaps the nervousness? That would explain the stupid introduction.) I smacked my forehead out of frustration and embarrassment. Somehow I managed to leave a coherent (at least I hope it was) message. "Congrats on getting into the Peace Corps. I know it meant a lot to you. Call me back...I mean if you want. Okay bye."

He called back a day later. I'm sure he felt obligated because we have a mutual friend. “Thanks for the well wishes. I leave as early as March.” The End.

He’s probably nothing like the person I’ve created in my head. If anything I used him as a template and then slowly started to add quirks, flaws, and features that I would find attractive in a partner. Scenarios run rampant in my mind: We’re walking down the aisles at Target, shopping for random things for our house. We argue about what movie we're going to watch on Friday night because he got to choose last time and I really don't feel like a chick flick. We’re stuck in traffic telling stories about what we did on our lunch break and how so-and-so is the most annoying person in the office.

I am slightly crazy for him. I am irrational and silly for him. I turn into a 13 year old girl for him. And he essentially knows nothing about me.