sweet 16

It's really hard for me to meet people when I go to bars and clubs. The atmosphere just never lends itself to having a normal conversation. The loud music. The dim lighting. The drunk people. It's too much effort, so I just dance. I used to think that meeting people online seemed so pathetic and desperate but the taboo associated with that idea is slowly fading. Myspace, Facebook, OkCupid, Match, eHarmony...hell, even Craigslist. I'm open to all of them. My first encounter happened a few days after Christmas.

When I met him he looked different from his pictures. (That's the problem with trying to meet people online…they send you pictures of themselves before they gained 20 pounds and lost all their hair). I tried to overlook this and keep an open mind. "How are you liking Silverlake?" he asked, since I mentioned that I recently moved there. (Come to think of it, using this 'I just moved here story' is a great way to open up conversation for potential dates).

"I really like the area. There's a lot of hipsters and sceney people which I'm not used to, but it's not bad. Are you a hipster?" I asked jokingly.

"Me? I'm too old to be a hipster."

"Really? How old are you?" I didn't think 28 was that old.

"I'm 41."

.......

"COOL!" Was all I could think of saying.

After doing the math and realizing he was a sophomore in high school when I was born, we had an interesting conversation over ice cream since it was 80 degrees in LA in December. He's a professor at a private college and teaches Media Studies. He got an MFA somewhere on the east cost and was very interested in creating art installations. He was born in Los Angeles, spent some time in China and recently came back from London where his lesbian mother lives. As he told me about himself, I started to get jealous because his life seemed so much more colorful than mine. Professor? MFA? Hong Kong? Lesbian Mom? And here's me…not sure exactly what I'm doing with my life yet, just enjoying the ride. BA in English Lit. Never lived anywhere outside of Los Angeles. Traditional Filipino mom. NO FAIR! Then I reminded myself that he has 16 more years of life experience than I do and the jealousy turned into relief.

Despite the age difference, our conversation flowed nicely -- until I suddenly couldn't stand the sound of his voice. We finished our ice cream and walked around aimlessly. I realized he was dominating the conversation. I felt like I was asking all the questions and he basked in the glory of his long, convoluted answers.

"So why don't you date much? Is it really that hard for you?"

"Well that's the thing. I'm just so busy grading papers and at night when I…"

I got the feeling that he was the type of person who talks for the sake of talking because he enjoys hearing his own voice. He went on about how he's too busy busy to meet someone but somewhere in his monologue, he lost me. Nothing he said registered anymore. I focused my attention on the heat and how I wouldn't be able to wear the new sweaters and jackets I bought for myself if the weather stayed this way.

Since I wasn't being as attentive as I should have been, I somehow agreed to go back to his place. I don't really remember how that happened but I found myself saying, "Sure, I'd love to check out your place." As we approached his house, my mind turned this date into a horror movie. What if this guy is crazy? He's going to take me to his house, have his way with me and then do some torturous shit to me because I wasn't paying attention to him. I am going to die today.

He gave me a tour of his house. No sign of a torture chamber or anything gruesome. We talked about politics, how he felt about growing old alone (which he's content with), and his tattoo. The big tattoo of a horse he has on his back. He sat very close to me on the couch and showed me pictures on his iPhone. I thought I'd simply see pictures of his back and the tattoo but all of his pictures were of him naked. He rested his arm on the sofa (so that if I leaned back, he could easiy put his arm around me). I was leaning so far forward I basically had one buttcheck on the sofa. I had to look over my shoulder as I spoke to him because I positioned myself to be as far away as possible. All I could think was, Don't lean back.

I immediately spotted his library of books and applauded myself for using this to my advantage. "I'm gonna check out your books. Since you're a professor I'm sure you have some interesting ones." I stood up and browsed his library as if I were really looking for a good read when in reality I was planning my exit strategy.

He got the hint and he sat on the other couch. "I have dinner plans tonight," he said, plopping himself onto a rocking chair. "What about you?"

I guess I didn't have to plan my exit strategy too hard.

"Me too. Dinner plans with a friend. I should probably get home now."

He dropped me off and I shook his hand. He looked disappointed and sad and I felt bad for a second. Here's this middle aged man hoping to connect with someone and I immediately dismiss him. Then I remembered he said he was 28 when he's actually 41. I remembered how he was trying to seduce me on his couch with naked pictures of him on his iPhone. I remembered I couldn't stand the sound of his voice after 30 minutes. The sympathy faded.

Besides, by the time I was born, he was already 16.